We get a lot of spam here on the Unison Gifts Blog. Most of it is pretty boring and/or obvious.
But one time I chanced upon this doozy of a comment waiting for approval in one of our posts. Because it is so bizarre I’m unveiling here for your enjoyment; unedited and uncut.
Weird… I just found your site by searching for ’squirrel torture’ on Google! Home Carpet Steam Cleaners
For the record, Unison Gifts does not participate and does not condone torture of any animals except for mosquitoes.
Some products get rejected once we see the factory samples. Some get rejected just from seeing the photos. And then there’s products like these that are rejected before the printer ink even dries.
Sent from my gold plated 5G limited edition iPad
So we just got back from our ten day trip to visit several factories and attend some factory shows. I managed to squeeze in some tourist like photos only to have my efforts sabotaged by my boss who borrowed my camera and donated it to the “Next Person Who Finds This Gets to Keep It” fund by placing it on a table and walking away. So here is a shockingly realistic photoshop re-enactment of one of my missing photos. It’s of me just before I got bed-ridden for two days after eating a tainted Filet O Fish sandwich.
This fast food bliss didn't last long once that bad fish started kicking in
Table Top Signs are popular sellers these day. I still maintain that they’d sell even better if they also doubled as remote controlled robot gladiators.
"Daughter" Robot with deadly titanium pincer attack
"Grandmas" Robot with diamond tipped Mega-Saw
"Sisters" Robot with double kung-fu chop action!
"Mother" Robot with electronic quadra-arm smother technique
I totally got my money on the Robotic-Grandmas-Table-Top-Warrior.
Well, I wanted to change the company home page but the boss caught wind of what I was up to and threatened me…with a white serrated plastic knife.
Well, my new web design is still online albeit somewhat hidden.
Here at Unison Gifts we offer our sincerest apologies to anyone who has been unable to access our website during the last few business days.
The problem with updating our web server is that it takes up to 72 hours for changes to effect. The other problem is that our web server (see picture to the right) may need to be replaced sometime soon. Our home page seems to be working okay. This blog is working most of the time. With regards to our biggest problem; our online catalog is finally starting to work in some places yet remains non-functioning in others. Another 48 hours to go and all should be better.
We are were having major technical difficulties with our service provider. (update: It’s working now!) Our online catalog has not been working for almost a day now. To cheer us all up I’ve meditated upon two very important questions:
Bronze Bison vs. Silver Elephant
I present to you…
Bronze Bison takes the initiative and wastes no time in using his special powers. Bison stares forward and unleashes his red lightning eye beams . The massive energy and heat produced causes Silver Elephant to start melting.
Bronze Bison struggles to free himself from the ice. Silver Elephant separates his head unit from the body. The rocket boosters ignite and Elephant sets a collision course straight at Bison.
The winner? You decide!
We’ve just ordered a bunch of brand new items that will be here in March. I’ve decided to share just a few of them with you.
And for some extra fun, in each picture I’ve hidden an old item from our novelty inventory. Enjoy!
So I started thinking…What’s the oldest item still in stock here at Unison Gifts? Not that easy to figure out because:
So I was looking through the web catalog and I came across this doozy-
Super Inexpensive Gold&Glass Eagle FROM THE FUTURE!!!
What is it called? No idea. How big is it? Looks small, but I have no idea to tell you the truth. It didn’t even have a price which technically means it used to be free. Just about the only info I could find in our database was that date it was created. No joke, this product is from the future!!! The date of creation is listed on June 10th, 2020!!!
So instead of finding Unison Gifts oldest item in stock I came across inventory from the year 2020. To celebrate this miraculous find I’ve set the price for this mysterious hand crafted crystalline ambassador of times-not-yet-known at the low low price of $1 if you buy a bunch of them.
Won’t find it at our trade shows. Won’t find it in our print catalog. Discover the future at our online catalog in the OnSale->Crystal&Glass->Animals category.
Edit: Nevermind, it turns out this item is actually one of the oldest in stock items in our warehouse. The 2020 date is just the result of a glitch. On the brighter side, the space-time continuum is still safe.